The Cook Gave Me The Recipe: Vicarious Bethel Woods Review, Night Two

    Dude is a word my boy Miguel Cocineros uses a lot. Our crew jokes about the hundreds of ways he can use "dude", primarily because the word represents 20% of his lexicon. I'm not suggesting he's dumb - in fact, he's pretty smart - but he uses and abuses this word more than anyone in history. But I've known the guy for 11+ years, so interpretation comes quickly. This 'dude' was clear: Where the FUCK do I begin?!

    I love Theme (9:24) for many reasons. Like Bowie and Maze Theme opens with a trance-inducing drum beat that's not only immediately recognizable, but also belongs to a song powerful enough to get everyone going - immediately. And like Bowie, Theme, although certainly structured, leaves the door WIDE open. Fires were lit immediately in Bethel Woods. So before we launch into this Cocineros-inspired/witnessed/written-through-the-eyes-of review, you should probably sit down. A standard but thick NICU kept the blood flowing as the band decided to twist heads from necks for the next 70 minutes. A middle-of-the-woods-in-a-farm-dominated-area Cities popped off, probably to keep the everlasting musically-induced sarcasm going, and it was the perfect stretch routine for the following celestial event: Halley's (12:02) > Runaway Jim (8:38). Cocineros on Halley's: "dude, it was a fucking 12 minute space demon". Enough said. The groove stuck through a Jim, and after a few seconds break they popped off 19 straight rockin' minutes of personal favorite Gumbo (4:42) > Quinn (6:14) > LxL (8:17). Now don't take any offense here phans, but LxL is a crew joke between us. Not that LxL is a bad song, in fact, it's great on a few levels, but I've seen it over 30 times, which according to guru David Steinberg, the only reason you folks know your stats through Phantasy Tour, is a statistical rarity. In other words, in 128 shows I should not have seen LxL 30+ times. Lets put it this way: I'd rather hear something else. So when Cocineros said "dude, even the LxL was fucking sick..." I knew exactly what we were in for. I assume tickets are disappearing as I type. A too-often-looked-past Horn (3:57) followed the 19-minute sweat session, and the horns were sounding off for what will become an instant summer highlight. A 15-minute Gin closed the set, but this "crazy", "chaotic" (MC) Gin contained instrumental Golden Age teases that morphed into full-on Manteca teases, which jammed right back through to Gin. Holy shit. I AM FUCKING LOVING THESE MANTECA TEASES! CACTUS POPPING OFF!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! PHISH!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH WE FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!!

   Those who survived the first set were treated to the <10 song sets that we die-hards obsess over. Seven song set list to be exact. And of course there is NO DENYING a DWD (15:34) Set Two opener...BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO WHEN THE WHOLE FUCKING SET IS A FUCKING SEGUE. LET ME REPEAT: WHAT THE FUCK!!! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! PHISH!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH WE FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!! I can't even write this...I'm shaking...why are two of my best friends getting married this weekend?! Why aren't they obsessed with Phish?! When is my wife going to read this and say "Trigger Treinta Uno, we talked about this. I miss Phish, too, but we agreed not to complain." When is she going to realize that I stole the rental car, left the wedding resort, and stranded her in OH, 9 hours from Bethel and her ride for the rest of tour? When am I going to snap back to reality and realize that I'm not going anywhere until tomorrow night when we invade Holmdel? Now. So let me get back to reality here, in which "here" is one of two resort computers with internet as I sit in beautiful Logan, OH. Shoot out to all you Loganites...if you exist.

   DWD > Free (7:11) > BDTNL (12:09) > Makisupa (7:34) > Hood (12:37) > Cavern (4:33...yeah, I know) > Bowie (13:26). Take a muinute if you need it....

...OK, you good? I tried to get details out of my (sober) friend, but Cocineros could only say "dude, it was fire...what can I say, they sound fucking tight. By the time you get down here to NJ it's going to be mayhem." The BDTNL was predictably sick and groovy as I've said many times this is one of their best new jams (along with Light, in my opinion). Makisupa got the blood boiling as the boys started carrying on about "this is _________'s house" until they finally got it right revealing that it was in fact Mike's house. We already knew that. Mike's always been on the deed, but he took over the mortgage in 3.0. He's rich, bitch, and that house is his forever. By the way, Trey apparently claims 'House' is his favorite show. That show absolutely sucks, but then again, so does television. A rare-ish middle-of-the-set sick Hood followed Makisupa, which segued into a way-too-short Cavern. I hope you took my advice and took care of your shoes...you must not have been because the band had to remind you, too. Apparently you got the message too quickly though, because they were done in under 5 minutes. I wish you people had been a little slower...oh well, it's early. A predictable but groovy Bowie ended Night Two, which no doubt is sparking conversation nation-wide. Maybe you should start looking for tickets to those shows "no one is going to" now. I'm just saying. A Day In The Life (5:19) closed the show and the phans left the increasingly wild scene buzzing like a bunch of bees. And for good reason. From the space funk, to the demonic jams, to the early teases and monster segues, it's clear: I WAS WRONG. They ARE popping off already. 

    This ain't McDonald's, but I'm lovin' it...and so should you. This is why we do it, and we're getting exactly what we asked for. ALREADY.

Hold on folks, we're in for a ride. 

- Trigger Treinta Uno

Trigger31.com

Thanks to Miguel Cocineros for the concise but energetic review and for making me consider getting my wife and ditching this...never mind. (JK, we love you Rob & Nicole -  congrats by the way!)

Thanks to LivePhish.com & Phish.net for set list help.

Matty Fractal, we're thinking of you brother! Get well and we'll see you much sooner than expected!